


Burning Skin

by Pikkuhiiri



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Mojo, Angst, Comfort, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Mark of Cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 22:46:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1405321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikkuhiiri/pseuds/Pikkuhiiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is not the same anymore. Since he got that mark of cain it gets worser and worser and than there are this dreams, about him and Castiel. At the end Dean is very happy to have a angel around who is able to fix things and even him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burning Skin

**Author's Note:**

> I am really sorry guys that you have to read this. It is my first Supernatural thing, and my english is bad, so I hope you relaxed enough for that crap and the lot of mistakes. I hope you still can enjoy it just a little ;)

Since he got this mark of cain he felt not anymore like himself. Everything seemed to be far away and everytime he looked in the mirror it felt like a second person pushed him closer to the edge and laughed because he looked stupid enough to believe that everything was still fine. But nothing was fine and normal anymore. Not even the time he spend with Sammy or the days in the bunker. Nothing was like before.

It felt more like someone or something was dragging him down into nothing. And than he had this dream over and over again. He was in this dirty and dark room. He helt the blade of cain in his hand, full of blood. His body felt heavy and sweat was running down his forhead. He looked down to that person who was kneeling on the floor infront of him.

Dean shut his eyes. He was not able to face his pale skin any longer in the mirror. This was just crazy and not real. But still he was acting like a little child who woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare.

„Dean, are you alright.“  
Sam was knocking on the bathroom door and Dean was absolutely sure he would not even think about telling Sam what was going on right now.

„Yeah, I am fine Sammy. Can't sleep.“  
„Good. Because Cas told me you looked really messed up and I thought I should check if you are ok. I am going back down. If you want you can join, because Cas made some coffee and Dude, he really nows how to make a good coffee.“

Dean smiled for a moment right before the thoughts came back and made this moment a living hell. Was it possible, that this holy crap of cain could send him things from the future? Was it even possible that he was not just going to hurt Cas but rather going to kill him? This can't be possible. There's not even one thought in his head who made sense. He would never ever hurt a part of his family. After all they've been through. All the ups and downs. He was not going to accept the fact that he was hurting Cas with his own hands. That's it. There was no reason to think about this dream anymore. This was crap and he was a Winchester. Why the hell was he even thinking about that stuff at all?

 

 

When he entered the kitchen, Sam and Cas looked at him in this way of sorrow Dean hated the most. There was no reason to watch every step he made just because he got this stupid mark. It was the only choice they had and if it means to risk his own life once again, he was sure this was worth it.

„So, what's up with you guys at 6 in the morning?“  
He tried to smile but he was sure it must have looked like crap. He reached for a cup and took some coffee. Everything without looking in Cas' face. The dream pulsed close under his skin and he was pretty sure that when he would look in Cas face, he would see those scenes over and over again and the last thing he would like to have on his mind the whole day, was a dying Cas.

„Well, after Cas was awake the whole night and you bumped through the bunker I thought I should join you guys and ask for coffee. So what's up with you Dean? This is the third night now. And every night it ends up the same way. In the bathroom. Is there something you would like to tell me or maybe us?“

This was so generic for Sam. He always asks stupid questions. The matter is and was that Dean was not able to tell what was going on. The only thing he knew was, that he was changing. He could drink as much as he liked and did not get drunk. He did'nt need much sleep, he felt no hunger and sometimes he did'nt feel anything at all. Just this hate and the lust to kill.

„Iam fine man, like I said. I am just pissed after reading all this notes of dead people without getting any clue, ya know? I had my four hours of sleep. I am just exhausted. Nothing more.“

The coffee tasted normal on his tongue. Like everything in the last days. Sam is not the coffeeholic like he was so it was pretty awesome that he loved the coffee Cas made. Dean has no idea were the differences betweem Cas' coffee and his coffee where, but right now this coffee was one thing he could use to turn the conversation.

„Dean, you look really tired. You should get back to your room after your coffee. Sam and I will look through those notes for you.“

It was so obvious that something like that would come from Cas. There was a time Cas was not even knowing what tired is, and now he was knowing how it felt and what it could do to you. Dean was always wondering how Cas learned all this human stuff without someone who was telling him what was right or wrong. But deep inside he knew that Cas just made it through these days because he learned everything from him and Sam. All the human things he needed to know. And everytime he marks that in his mind, he felt a knot in his stomache, because he was not that cool buddy, who was there for him to show him exactly how to be human. He kicked him out of the bunker, was the reason he had to sleep under a bridge and was never really saying sorry for acting like a asshole.  
  


 

And than he looked up. Inside his face and all the pain came back and he saw him again, kneeling on the floor infront of him, blood in his face and this big blue eyes begging for mercy. Trying to reach his mind, his soul. And he just grabed that blade tighter and slammed it down.

 

 

Cas got this look on his face like he was already knowing what was there in Deans mind and it felt like a knife, scratching his skin.

„Naah, really I am fine buddy. Don't need more sleep.“

And the crazy thing was, he was not lying. He really needed no more sleep. The only thing he needed was clarity. Something who was able to fix him.  
He swallowed the last drops of his coffee and got back on his feet.

„Thanks for the coffee man, really great. I am back than in my room, checking for something I could have missed.“

As he turned around and leave through the door he felt the glances on his back and he knew that this was ridiculous. Running away from the only piece of family he had. But how was he supposed to imagine any longer how it must feel for them, when he lost his own feelings? In the darkest hours of the day he felt like a demon. Without a soul or a heart and without anything worth to live and not to kill.

When he closed the door of his room, he heard this familiar sound right before he saw Cas. He did'nt need to turn around. There was no one else who would prefer to pop into his room and not taking the stairs.

„So what's next? Are you watching me and sing me a lullaby or what?“

He moved fast through the room and sat down on his bed. He reached for the bottle of scotch but Cas switched it out of his hands.

„You don't get it Dean. You are in this room the whole day. You look like death. You don't eat or sleep. You just drink this stuff humans like to drink when they sad or helpless. I tried it and it did'nt work for me. But that's not the point. Since I moved in you wander around in this bunker every night. And don't lie to me. You know that I do not sleep. I know that you are awake and that you scream when you asleep. I am your friend Dean. I will help you.“

 

  
And than the anger came back. The hate and the madness. It felt like the blood in his venes. Running fast and wild. At the end he lost the control and forgot how he managed to came so fast on his feet. How it was possible to slam that son of bitch against the door and grabed his collar as tight as he could.  
He looked in this eyes. Filled with a sort of fear and pity and even love for an idiot like him. And than the pictures came back. Death Cas on the floor and he standing over him, asking who would like to be next.

He let go of his collar. His hands felt without any strength and his heart was heavy as a stone. He lost everybody and now he was going to lose himself. This was not going to happen.  
The knot in his stomach was twitching and he felt a rush of pain and fear coming through his skin and than he steped back.

„I am so sorry man. I have no idea what was going on. I mean, Jes you made me really nasty with that crap.“

„It's not me Dean. It is the mark of cain. When will you accept that?“  
  
The room was filled with silence and for the first time since weeks Dean felt not useless or crazy. He felt not like something was pulling him down. Cas was right. He knew that. And he knew that Sam thought the same. But no matter how many would guess right or wrong, the thing was that he had to go on with that decision he made and that he had no idea how this should work. He made it back from hell, he sended Lucifer back in his cage and now he was not able to face the truth about the crap he did again.

„Yeah. I guess you're right.“

He sat down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. Cas stared at him with this glance full of pity and knowledge and Dean was out of words to say sorry for beeing foolish and ridiculous since weeks. He was out of words to describe that it was not Sammys or Cas' fault this time. That there was no one else he could blame for. Not even Crowley that son of a bitch.

„Dean. All we have to do is find Abbadon, get that blade back from Crowley and hunt er down. This things need time and I am sure you have no idea how to handle this blade. It is some kind of dark magic Dean and it is not made for humans. Not even for hunters or man of letters. This mark sealed you with his powers and since you held that blade in your hands, he needs to be reloaded. I know how that feels. In the past it was easy to feel fresh and healed. Everytime I went back to heaven I got all the intensity of my power back but since I am stuck here on earth, no angel mojo is good enough to replace that feeling. But you have to control the hate and the anger. But first of all you have to control yourself.“

„I can't. I just can' t Cas. Not this time. I am so done. Look at me. I messed up everything and everybody. Everyone around me got killed. And I am still alive. How's that fair?“

Deans heart felt heavy and the madness pulsed through his venes. He heard how Cas was breathing and than he felt a hand, rest on his shoulder.  
Normally he would chip it away but not this time.

„After all this years you still think you don't deserve to be alive. And still you think it is your purpose to save everyone out there. Dean, this time it is different. This time there can't be nothing between you, Abbadon and the blade. This time you will need all the help you can get and that does not mean that you are useless or weak.“

 

 

  
Dean looked up, facing his friend, a part of his family. There was something in Cas' eyes and in the face of the angel which gave him the courage to say all the things who roll around in his mind.

„Since I've got that mark and since the first time the blade was in my hands I started to feel different. I don't need to sleep or to eat. I can drink as much as I like and I don't get drunk. Sometimes it felt like I was able to see what was coming next but on the other hand it felt like crazyness. I dreamed about killing. I felt blood on my hands. Like I felt it before when I was down in hell, torturing every day. And I see you man, beaten up, bloody kneeling infront of me. And I watch you. I smile. I have that blade in my hand and I tell you that I will kill you now. And you tried to grab my hands, you tried to reach my soul everytime, but I just go down with that blade and than there is just light and I wake up. Every night. I mean, I killed you. What's wrong with me Cas? What should I do, when this is not only a dream, what when I can see what's coming next?“

Dean clenched his jaws as hard as he could but the tears started to fall and there was nothing who could change that. All the fears and the feelings. All the hate, the anger, all of it came on the surface and it was the second time he just sat there, whined about the bad world and cried infront of Cas. But who cares? In the end he will be maybe dead after he killed all his friends and maybe he is going back to hell for all the things he did on earth. Maybe that's his place. Hell.

Cas reached for Deans hand and hold it tight.

„You are a good person. You know that and I know that and I still wish I could believe that even Crowley knows that. Maybe that is the reason he asked you for that favour. I believe in you Dean. I always will. And I trust you. And if it would come that far, I still will.“

Dean tried to smile but he knew it must have looked more like a grimace.

„Man, I don't deserve any of this.“

Cas kneeled down infront of him and put one hand on Deans mark of cain. His fingertips brushed slowly over the red skin and Dean tried not to inhale too fast. The last time someone touched him or showed him this kind of proximity was a long time ago. He was so addicted for more that he was afraid to do something wrong right now.

 

  
„When I was human I was sure to come to hell after I died. And I was so afraid of it, that I was not sure how you humans could live with that loud heartbeat in your ears or the running pulse. I told myself every day that it is my fault. All of it. And everyone else seemed to agree with that point. For a long time there was more darkness than in Purgatory. And there was no one who told me that everything will be alright again. Until you. I know how mad you were about all the things I did and I know that you forgave me even if I don't deserve it but you need to listen to me Dean. Only if you lose your soul and you can't feel anything good you will be going down to hell. And I swear to god, who is dead by the way, that I will never gonna let this happen. I would bring you back from hell over and over again as long as it takes to raise you to heaven. Even if that means to fall for a thousand times.“

There was loud silence. That kind of silence which was filled up with more words that can be spoken. Dean grabed Cas' Hand and hold it loose.

„I wish this crap would be over. I am so tired man. There is still no place I can call home, not even the bunker since I saw Kevin die in here. I still dream about family and the happy life Sammy deserves. Ya know, before I knew that god is dead I thought of praying to him. I really did. And Jes ya know how much I hate praying and this heaven shit. But I am done. All this praying and hoping is useless. And still I wish for the end of this all.“

„I can do something for you if you let me.“

Dean let go of Cas' hand and looked in those blue eyes who always knew what he was thinking. He gone too far. This situation was strange and he started to feel uncomfortable to be so close with the angel. And at least he felt full of shame after sitting here and let tears show Cas what was going on. He was cool. Even now. He brushed away the last tear and felt quit better than before.

„Naa, look dude. This here is ridiculous. You have so much trouble with your angle crap. You should be out there and do what you have to do. I really missed that again.“

He was going to get up, but Cas pushed him back on the bed.

„For heaven's sake can you just stop talking for a minute and listen? I wanna do this. I don't have to. So sit down and close your eyes for this one last time and try to relax. I swear, you will feel better.“

Dean sighed deep. It was pointless.

„I really will kill you if you try your angel mojo on me.“

„Shut up.“

There was something like a smile, hushing over Deans face and the reason was that he really liked that new Cas a lot. He was rude and full of emotions and sometimes more horrible than every woman he had in his lifetime but Dean would not change this new side of Cas in any way.  
He felt the angels fingertips brushing again over his mark and it felt warm and just nice. The feeling of longing rolled through his venes and made him groaning just a little because he missed all the endearments too much and he forgot when somebody wraped his arms around him the last time.

„You're not relaxed enough Dean. Stop thinking.“

Dean moistened his lips with his tongue and started to think nothing. But that was not working after he felt a tingling touch on his mark which made him lose the ability to keep calm anymore.

„Cas, what the hell are you doing there?“

„I send you hope Dean. You are not allowed to talk. I have to concentrate.“

Normally Dean would jump in Cas' face for using this angle crap on him but not this time. It felt just wonderful and Dean never thought it was possible to send hope to someone else. Cas never mentioned it and Dean was full of affection for him because Cas never did this before. Not even when Sam was gone.

 

„We are done.“

Dean was not sure if he was allowed to open his eyes again so he let them closed and tried to breath as normal as possible. He felt like after a long run and very tired. Cas was shifting and than he felt his warm hand on his own.

„Open your eyes Dean.“

Dean blinked some times and than looked at Cas. The angel watched him very worried and Dean saw how tired he looked.

„How are you feeling?“

„Fine. I mean tired. When I am honest I feel worser than before man.“  
„Good.“  
„Good? Are you joking? I thought this would help.“  
„It will. You are tired because it is not easy for your human body to have so much power now. I promise it will make you comfortable with in time.“

Dean was not sure how this should really work and what exactly Cas did. He just felt tired and very optimistic. There was no dark thought in his head.

„Well. Thanks buddy. I think I should rest now a little.“

„Yeah, you should do that.“

And the last thing Dean saw was that Cas really fast closed the distance between them and pressed two fingers on his forehead.

Cas never sended him hope. He sended him strength and a bit of the angle power. Maybe he would need it later. He placed Dean as comfortable as possible in the bed and sat down on the edge. This time he would watch him sleep. The last time he did this, is a long time ago. He really liked to watch Dean sleeping. When he snorted or moved. When he was a human he hated sleep, like he hated all the other human things.

If Dean would have a bad dream he would just send it away and at the end Dean would really think this angel mojo worked for him.

Humans are really easy to manipulate.  
Especially Dean Winchester.

 

 


End file.
